ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
40s are totally the cure
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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