i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she looked like the before picture.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
