My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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