All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
