P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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