I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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