I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
