It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
