Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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