This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
