Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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