I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
