I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
