Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
