After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
