Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i think i just lost a toe
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
