So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
