their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
