you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
