I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
