Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
