walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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