i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
