i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
