I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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