I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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