These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
