If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
