So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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