Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
id be glad to
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
