I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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