Don't you send me to vm
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
