Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
