the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
