My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
