Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
