I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
