Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
