matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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