im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
