I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
