Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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