if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Houston, we have a squirter
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
