drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
