there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
