Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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