ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
