Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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