and you said cock pushups were impossible
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
