My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
