I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
