I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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