Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
They took my balls.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
