He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
