And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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