You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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