I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
